This has been the theme in the last two yoga classes I’ve attended. Great concept. Really tough to follow through on. I’ve been feeling the non-love to and from people recently. So I’ve been trying to find a balance between listening to my yoga instructors and listening to myself that says, clear out the non-healthy people in your life.
I want the good feeling that comes from having an open heart and want to be known as someone who is kind. But aren’t there people we need to remove from our lives because of the destruction they cause no matter how kind or forgiving we are?
Can’t exactly describe how I’m feeling after my heart chakra opening yoga class. At the basic level: my upper body feels so much lighter than my lower body. But I also feel this separation of what my mind thinks and what my heart feels. That they are separate. At one point the instructor told us to gather up all the pieces of our heart that we had given away and welcome them back into the room and then back into ourselves. You can be sure I have some pieces out there that I imagined coming back to me. Because they belong to me and not to those that I had “borrowed” them out to. I got my heart back tonight. All of it.
And you better believe I’m going to protect it like those mothers in African Cats. (*Tip- do not watch that movie if feeling particularly emotional.)
By posting it here I am hoping that I follow through on my goal for the day. Clean and organize my room. Do laundry that I haven’t done for weeks. Get myself ready for the week.
Going to a heart chakra opening flow yoga class tonight. Want to be ready for all the goodness I hope to feel.
Had to move here to be the fittest version of myself.
Brought on thoughts of home and dear friends. As much as I love Colorado, I am drawn to Minnesota for the holidays. Aside from Hogan Brothers and getting my bi-yearly haircut, I get the opportunity to see those closest to my heart. Those I have trusted with my hopes, fears, and embarrassing stories.
I talk about the two different Carolines. The one that my friends know and the one that the people in Colorado know. And it’s true. I act differently out here. I’m more guarded, more reserved. The carefree, real Caroline exists at home in MN. Which is exactly the opposite of how it was in college. At home home, I was guarded and acted like I felt I should act. But at college, I learned how to be around people. How to go with the flow. Learned what it was like to have sisters. How to go outside my comfort zone and do things that might have consequences. It really was the time that I learned the Caroline I wanted to be. And I don’t know if I’ve found that or lost that in these three years in Colorado. I’ve found more of what makes me happy, of what I never thought would be apart of my life. But I’ve also learned letting new people into your life is difficult and at times heartbreaking. Or maybe I’ve been spoiled with good, genuine people that others can’t compete with.
Coming home brings me back to these people. Brings me back to my home where I always sleep the best sleep the entire year. Maybe my body knows these people are protecting me and I can just let go. When you’re on your own, there is no one but yourself to handle matters. As independent as I am, it’s nice to know that someone has my back.
Minnesota, I’ll be home in a few.
One day my confidence is at a reasonable level, steady. And the next it’s cut down to nothing. I really need to follow through when I say I’m done with certain people. People around here don’t really care for anyone but themselves.
And really, what’s so wrong with me?