Missed opportunity?

I’m not entirely surprised this happened, since I’ve probably been putting out an interested vibe for some time, but it caught me off guard and I think I may have missed an opportunity.

What opportunity?

A possible drink with my male yoga instructor.

Yeah.  Mr. Handsy lived up to his name in the class before he possibly invited me out to a drink with him.  But let me back track.  He started out the evening very talkative and said he would be willing to be my thai yoga massage partner for a workshop in February.  I’m the genius who is the only one signed up and didn’t think I needed a partner, which should be obvious.  So that conversation had me thinking I would be getting some one on one attention during the smaller class.  And I’m right.  I got a real intense adjustment in half tortoise pose.  He sat on me.  His butt was on my back.  And I’ve never gone deeper in to a pose, that’s for sure.  As I came out of that pose I got an intense arm rubdown.  Granted, I did see him do that to the person next to me.  But he started off class by just running his hand down my neck while we settled in…  But then at the end of class he gave me an arm massage after he was done closing class.  They usually don’t stay after they say Namaste. So I was feeling pretty good.

I walked out of class and told him I liked his variation, since I get the same Hot Power Fusion routine often.  I then headed to the locker room, when he said, come talk to me when you get out.  I was a little intrigued on why he would need to continue the conversation…and sort of smiled to myself in the mirror.

I asked him if he was going to the New Year’s Eve class taught by Justin, since I’ve seen him in a Friday class.  He said he wasn’t.  It was the first time he didn’t have to work the Sunday morning and his kids were with their mom.

Boom.  He’s a dad.

So he then came around the desk and stood right next to me and asked if I was working tomorrow.  I wasn’t and went into how I was doing yoga sculpt.  Then he said, I’m going to shower and then go get a drink after this.

Pause.

Pause.

Then I say something about having had a really early flight that morning.  It didn’t hit me that it could be him inviting me to get a drink with him, until a couple seconds too late.  But I also didn’t want to assume.  So then the conversation went to him going to camp in MN when he was 12.

Oh goodness.

So did I unknowingly reject him?  Did I ruin any future…fling?  Am I going to have to ask the next time?  And he’s a dad.  Sorry, but that’s a little more baggage than I am ready for.  Though this could just be something fun and yoga-filled.  Can you imagine the one on one yoga time I could get?  I’m interested in this.  And an older dude probably would be good for me.

Thoughts?  Comments?  Suggestions?

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2012 Goals

It’s only mid-December but I feel I can start my list of goals for the coming year.  Of my five goals for 2011 I did cross off two and almost hit a third.  Some of those will carry over.

  • Incline in 35 minutes or less  (I hit 35:something at my last attempt-almost there)
  • Visit a new National Park
  • Climb a new 14er (Mt. Sneffels, I almost had you)
  • Half marathon PR (2:11:41 is now my best time.  Returning to my first half marathon course in May.  Since that first half I’ve taken 24 minutes off)
  • Be able to do forearm shoulder stand
  • Jumpstart 2012 with bootcamp at the end of January/get to 3 yoga sculpt classes per week
  • Yoga teacher training
  • Work on improving supervisory skills at work
  • Start saving money for purchasing a car
  • Enjoy the heck out of Telluride Bluegrass Festival 2012
  • Absolutely no pop.  NO POP.
  • No alcohol unless it’s a very special occasion.  Up to my discretion.
  • Stop procrastinating and make a dentist appt.
  • Think more about purchases at the grocery store.  Eat smart.

I may add/edit.  Still could have some lightbulbs go off before the new year begins.

Realized

Last night I watched a movie primarily about sex.  It’s called YPF, only because it’s actually Young People Fucking.  Not my best choice in movies, but the trailer intrigued me.  As I’m watching five couples in the process of having sex and the comedy/awkwardness that comes with it I realize what I won’t ever do again.  And that’s having sex with someone who doesn’t care about me.  Most of these couples knew each other, except for the two on the first date.  But there was a connection between many of these couples.

I’m going to admit that while watching this fairly bad movie, I started to tear up after the exes concluded having sex and seemed to be realizing that they care about each other.  I realized I missed out on that connection.  I missed out on having someone actually care about me after this intimate activity.  I missed out.  And I won’t miss out again.  Yes, it was a movie.  But I assume that most couples care about each other in the way that was portrayed here.  I don’t want the emptiness that I received afterward.

I’ve implemented a new rule for myself.  No hook ups until after I turn 26.  This may turn into longer, but I haven’t made the best choices out here in Denver.  I’m holding myself to a higher standard.  (And who are we kidding, it’s not like I have to actively push anyone away.)  I really just want to be happy with myself and most times I feel a disappointment in myself afterward.  A friend informed me that she was told that you need to achieve your true level of being (or vibration) before you find that other person who operates at that same level of vibration.  And that makes all this waiting make sense.  Or maybe I need to realize I’ll probably just be happy with my library job, cats, and yoga.  Friends: instead of a bachelorette party I will be having a I’m single shower where I will ask for all the cookware and appliances that married people get.  Or at least I will force you to a yoga retreat.  More people are single these days.  And as always, there’s a reason why vibrators were created.

Lacking

Having one of those days where I’m not motivated.  Tons to do.  Been procrastinating on multiple tasks.  I really just need to buck up and be the person I know I am and do them.  Why am I just wasting time accomplishing nothing?  Who knows what to say to get my butt in gear?

14 days until I’m home.

Something new

So I’ve decided.  I’m moving in with the “brother.”  The one person who has kept me sane in Denver.  The one person who does the healthy activities with me (incline, hiking, Tattered Cover events).  I will have my first male roommate.  But also have a roommate who is there Thursday night to Monday morning.  Giving me reign of the house for the rest of the week.

I’ve realized my schedule of regular working hours doesn’t mix well with the hours of three other students. I want to be in bed by 10 pm and up at either 5 or 6 am.  And for me to sleep it needs to be quiet.  I was told I’m a professional woman now and can afford not to live with students any more.  And as much as I didn’t like my schedule interrupted, I’m sure they didn’t appreciate my after work activities interrupting their studying/work time.  This seems like the right move.

The house is in the Highlands.  One mile from the Corepower Yoga studio there.  How lucky can I be?  And the neighborhood is pretty nice, though I will have to do some exploring.  I will be training for the 6th half marathon and already have found the large-ish park that I can log some miles at.  I feel good about this next step.  It’s only for a bit as I feel the “brother” will be leaving Denver soon (gf in another city).  But to spend that remaining time with him as much as possible is important to me.  He’s the one thing that has kept my sanity in all the ups and downs of Denver.  He’s been there.  It will be nice to have him come home on occasional weekends and to be sure to see him.  Plus he’s an awesome cook.  I can just imagine the grilled meat I get to eat.

So now the next step is to inform the current roomies.  I shouldn’t feel bad for this step, but I know they will have to start searching for a new person.  And I would like to remain on good terms with them.  But I have to grow.  I need my space where I don’t feel the need to hide in my room to not disturb them, or end up pissed at 2 in the morning when they come stumbling home.  Just another step in my life in Denver.

Should start packing now…