Realized

Last night I watched a movie primarily about sex.  It’s called YPF, only because it’s actually Young People Fucking.  Not my best choice in movies, but the trailer intrigued me.  As I’m watching five couples in the process of having sex and the comedy/awkwardness that comes with it I realize what I won’t ever do again.  And that’s having sex with someone who doesn’t care about me.  Most of these couples knew each other, except for the two on the first date.  But there was a connection between many of these couples.

I’m going to admit that while watching this fairly bad movie, I started to tear up after the exes concluded having sex and seemed to be realizing that they care about each other.  I realized I missed out on that connection.  I missed out on having someone actually care about me after this intimate activity.  I missed out.  And I won’t miss out again.  Yes, it was a movie.  But I assume that most couples care about each other in the way that was portrayed here.  I don’t want the emptiness that I received afterward.

I’ve implemented a new rule for myself.  No hook ups until after I turn 26.  This may turn into longer, but I haven’t made the best choices out here in Denver.  I’m holding myself to a higher standard.  (And who are we kidding, it’s not like I have to actively push anyone away.)  I really just want to be happy with myself and most times I feel a disappointment in myself afterward.  A friend informed me that she was told that you need to achieve your true level of being (or vibration) before you find that other person who operates at that same level of vibration.  And that makes all this waiting make sense.  Or maybe I need to realize I’ll probably just be happy with my library job, cats, and yoga.  Friends: instead of a bachelorette party I will be having a I’m single shower where I will ask for all the cookware and appliances that married people get.  Or at least I will force you to a yoga retreat.  More people are single these days.  And as always, there’s a reason why vibrators were created.

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