“Come Monday morning (or sooner) our mats will serve as a mirror for our choices, a reflection – positive or negative – of our commitment to growth and change.”
I can’t tell you how true this statement is. I don’t think I really paid that much attention to my health or well being as much as when I stepped onto a yoga mat. Funny how a 72 inch long piece of material altered how I live my life. I’m more mindful of my actions and how I go through this life. Some people may not understand the change that yoga has prompted in my life, but I’ve found my compass. I’ve found my guide. I’ve found a practice that will be a practice for years to come.
In yoga, you have mirrors to guide. To assist in poses. But I hated having to look at myself for an hour. To be faced with your reflection (that I usually would only see while brushing my teeth, twice, thrice daily) for that long was uncomfortable. And during the time I started practicing, I was dealing with feelings of utter worthlessness. It was tough. And yoga provided 60+ minutes of being alone with your thoughts.
But I’ve grown. I make sure I get to class early so I get a spot right next to the mirror. I’ve come to expect having an hour looking at myself. Having a silent conversation with myself while in a studio with twenty- to thirty-some other people. What do I need to let go of today? What do I need to confront? What pose do I ‘get’ today and which one is a struggle? And in the year plus that I’ve been looking in the mirror at myself, my true self, I’ve come to value that woman looking back. That woman who has dealt with some shit and lost confidence. The woman who thought that the next step was moving back to Minnesota and in with the parents.
And somehow things worked out. I don’t know how it happens, but if you put effort into this life, things do pan out. I got a full time library job in Denver. I may not have everything I dream of, but I’m working at it. And the yoga has really connected me to realizing what makes me happy and what is healthy.
I’m also really missing my girls. There are rumblings of potential get togethers later this year. And I’m hoping a full reunion happens. There is just some magic that happens when our lives intersect every so often.