No noteworthy date has me thinking these thoughts, but as I’ve been driving around Denver a little more than usual in the past few days I’m struck by how surprised I am that I’m here.  It’s still weird to me that I’ve moved away from my small town in Minnesota and am setting up a life here.  Here is a much bigger city than what I’m used to, and also I see the most beautiful view everyday.  Don’t get me wrong, I still remember some beautiful Minnesota sunsets over fields of corn.  But these mountains impress me every day.  And it never gets old.  Still takes me aback when I drive or just look west and see the imposing presence of snow dusted mountains.

I had help, thank goodness for my parents, but I can say that I’m making it work out here.  Fear of having to return home may have found me desperate at times, more than I would like to admit.  But as I’m making decisions about what the future holds I see that I am supporting myself.  I have means.  It’s jarring to see people on practically every street corner when I take Speer home.  I’m one circumstance from that.  I know that I have a safety net of a supportive family, but if I didn’t I could be without.  Coming home to a home everyday gets taken for granted.  Being able to drive a car to work and back gets taken for granted.  I’ve worked hard in my life (some days more than others…), but I’m still very lucky to be where I want to be.  Other people don’t get as much of a choice.

It’s been a while since I had my moment on the bridge over I-25 when I knew that I was where I’m supposed to be.  But I think that moment is going to last a while out here.  As I was looking heavily into moving to an upscale apt building down the street this week, I realized I may not always be comfortable in the now.  I’m always looking ahead.  Yoga teacher training, saving for a new car, or paying 400 dollars more for rent for a new place.  Am I never satisfied with where I am?  Am I still looking for the place that I know is really right for me?  Am I unrealistic in what I can afford?  Am I ever going to just take a breath and enjoy where I am?

Maybe I need to take my blog title to heart and find a little rebalancing.  Soon.


16 days and feeling sorry for myself

Need to get this off my chest, otherwise I’m going to be up all night.  Which can’t happen because I have to go into work really early to pack a van and be back on campus all before 7am.

Twisted my ankle a couple days ago.  Still bothering me, though improving.  I’m freaking out already about my lack of running.  Seriously, having a job gets in the way.  And now I haven’t even done yoga for two days.  Suck it up body.  We’ve got things to do.

How to become ourselves without losing each other

A quote from Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 that I found particularly fitting.  Yes, corny movie.  But I’m allowed.

These four girls found a way to keep in touch during summers apart, in high school and then in college.  I have a group of girls who have learned how to keep in touch for many years now, not just summers.  I’m extremely lucky to have other people who make the effort to keep in touch.  And who make the point to plan something once in a while to reunite.  I have 419 days until all five of us reunite for a very special event.  But little reunions are possibly popping up before that.  It’s so important to make an effort.  Otherwise friendships change to only exist on Facebook.

I guess I’m expressing my feelings on certain friendships and their new stages.  Some are stronger than ever and others are fading.  I don’t know if it’s the distance or lifestyle changes.  But it’s hard long distance.  Not everything is expressed well over email and gchat.  And sometimes you feel you’re putting more effort into a friendship than you receive.  And at that point I’m going to cut my losses.  I’ve learned to not fight for something that isn’t treating you the same way.

I was lucky this past week.  I had an amazing friend who sent little words of encouragement during the craziest work week ever.  I didn’t need to respond, but I appreciated the heck out of every small word.  That’s when you know you matter in their world.

Crazy work week.

52.5 hours (boom 15 hours of OT!)

22,126 trays

273,322 items

Done with week one of the big library move.  We still have half a week to go, but even that is way ahead of schedule.  We’re too good at what we do is what my boss always says.  And after that first hectic, crazy day we’ve had it under control for the most part.  Feels really good to have this experience under my belt.  And we did it without the other supervisor position.  Which should be filled very soon.

Of course we survived off candy and more candy this past week.  Need to even out my diet for the 34 days until my half marathon.  Getting nervous.  Doubt my time will be all that good.  But that’s the nice thing about the first one of the season.  Winter doesn’t allow me out to run as much as this crazy March weather has.  I got a decent 5 mile run in at Wash Park yesterday.  There is something about that park that makes me want to go more than a lap around.  Could be the intense, super fit runners.  And the men.  Some really nice bearded men were running and that just makes my day better.  I need to go to Wash Park after work now.  Sloan’s Lake just doesn’t cut it.

Off to do massive chores.  I’ve neglected things for this entire week and it’s not pretty.  Need to use up my ripening bananas for some yummy banana bread muffins.  That should make the house smell awesome.

Sorry it’s been so long.  Life.