No noteworthy date has me thinking these thoughts, but as I’ve been driving around Denver a little more than usual in the past few days I’m struck by how surprised I am that I’m here. It’s still weird to me that I’ve moved away from my small town in Minnesota and am setting up a life here. Here is a much bigger city than what I’m used to, and also I see the most beautiful view everyday. Don’t get me wrong, I still remember some beautiful Minnesota sunsets over fields of corn. But these mountains impress me every day. And it never gets old. Still takes me aback when I drive or just look west and see the imposing presence of snow dusted mountains.
I had help, thank goodness for my parents, but I can say that I’m making it work out here. Fear of having to return home may have found me desperate at times, more than I would like to admit. But as I’m making decisions about what the future holds I see that I am supporting myself. I have means. It’s jarring to see people on practically every street corner when I take Speer home. I’m one circumstance from that. I know that I have a safety net of a supportive family, but if I didn’t I could be without. Coming home to a home everyday gets taken for granted. Being able to drive a car to work and back gets taken for granted. I’ve worked hard in my life (some days more than others…), but I’m still very lucky to be where I want to be. Other people don’t get as much of a choice.
It’s been a while since I had my moment on the bridge over I-25 when I knew that I was where I’m supposed to be. But I think that moment is going to last a while out here. As I was looking heavily into moving to an upscale apt building down the street this week, I realized I may not always be comfortable in the now. I’m always looking ahead. Yoga teacher training, saving for a new car, or paying 400 dollars more for rent for a new place. Am I never satisfied with where I am? Am I still looking for the place that I know is really right for me? Am I unrealistic in what I can afford? Am I ever going to just take a breath and enjoy where I am?
Maybe I need to take my blog title to heart and find a little rebalancing. Soon.