What do you want from life?

A friend asked me a question that I should know the answer to, but truthfully I never really thought of.

What do you want from/in your life?

What more do you want your life to be?  What’s not in it now that you want?  And I really couldn’t answer much.  I’m actually happy with my life.  My main thing was to have close friends closer geographically, but other than that I was set with what life is right now.  (This thinking led me later to start wishing about owning a cute little house near a park in Denver…loooooooooong ways off on that one!)

I had asked my friend if I seemed happy, because I had been feeling attacked for making the life choices that I’ve made in the last couple years.  And when she asked if there was anything more I wanted out of life, I knew that my choices were right for me.  I’m happy with what I’m doing.  I’m happy with my job that supports me to live out in Denver.  I’m happy with my hobbies.  I’m happy with my health.  I’m happy with my lifestyle choices.  I’m happy I made my way out to Denver, unsure of my future and have settled into a stable job and life.  We all grow in our own ways.  My three years in Denver have been joyful and difficult, but I’ve made this my home.  I don’t want to feel like any of the choices I’ve made that make me happy day to day are wrong, just because someone else doesn’t agree with my priorities.  And what’s wrong with finding new passions?


It’s been a while…

I feel bad about my absence.  But sometimes I don’t have anything worthy to write.  Or complain about…

I guess if you want to keep up with me, you should follow me on pinterest.  🙂

Starting bootcamp Monday morning.  Here’s to going to bed BY 10.  Two workouts daily (start running!  It’s going to be 50s this week).  Eating from the outside of the grocery store. (Just read up on clean eating.  They say stay out of aisles, stay in produce, meats-but stay out of the bakery!)

I made chicken korma today.  Turned out pretty well and I will have some excellent leftovers.  Key.  Nice to do something in the kitchen I’m not used to.  Though the dishes are still waiting for me.  Ugh.

Feeling in a funk.  Little things adding up.  Maybe I’m a tad lonely for real friends or feeling anxious about the ex-friend situation out here.  Good thing I have my yoga that I know she won’t be ruining.  I shouldn’t be afraid of seeing her, but really I don’t want to.  Ever again.

Listened to GirlTalk today.  Definitely lightened my spirit.  Nothing like some mashups to get you to sing along.  Picked up some movies.  Here I come Fast Five and (because I can’t not see the train wreck that is) Twilight Breaking Dawn pt. 1(?)  Don’t know if I can last tonight.  And with the roommate home I feel I should do some dishes, when all I want to do is go upstairs, see if I’m feeling the vibrator tonight, and go to sleep.  Two yoga classes today kicked my butt and I’ll need to do two tomorrow to prepare somewhat for bootcamp.

Thanks for reading, you super important people in my life.  I miss you.  Pins, blogs, and emails can’t compete with face time.

Twinge of sadness

The past couple of days I’ve noticed moments where I am not occupied by thoughts of what I need to do or what I should be doing and I feel like I’m missing something.  I don’t know if I’m homesick or adjusting to the new place.  Or what.  But I’m craving a familiar friendly face in Denver.  It could be the opportunity to see a college friend these next couple months while he’s in Denver for work that has me wishing for something from the past.  Maybe it’s having something safe and comfortable while I make this transition to a new place, new schedule, new commutes, and new stage of life.  Maybe my roommate just needs to come home and remind me why I like living by myself 😉  It could be I need physical contact with someone other than my yoga instructors…  And definitely not Mr. Handsy.  He’s just getting ridiculous.

Hopefully after this weekend I rebalance and am back to normal.  It could be that I skipped yoga today in order to clean the house…


…Remember to look for beauty where we’re quick to find fault. To be inspired where we want to compare, to love where we want to forget, and to feel empowered where we want to shy away.

-Kathryn Budig

More yoga ramblings

“Come Monday morning (or sooner) our mats will serve as a mirror for our choices, a reflection – positive or negative – of our commitment to growth and change.”

I can’t tell you how true this statement is.  I don’t think I really paid that much attention to my health or well being as much as when I stepped onto a yoga mat.  Funny how a 72 inch long piece of material altered how I live my life.  I’m more mindful of my actions and how I go through this life.  Some people may not understand the change that yoga has prompted in my life, but I’ve found my compass.  I’ve found my guide.  I’ve found a practice that will be a practice for years to come.

In yoga, you have mirrors to guide.  To assist in poses.  But I hated having to look at myself for an hour.  To be faced with your reflection (that I usually would only see while brushing my teeth, twice, thrice daily) for that long was uncomfortable.  And during the time I started practicing, I was dealing with feelings of utter worthlessness.  It was tough.  And yoga provided 60+ minutes of being alone with your thoughts.

But I’ve grown.  I make sure I get to class early so I get a spot right next to the mirror.  I’ve come to expect having an hour looking at myself.  Having a silent conversation with myself while in a studio with twenty- to thirty-some other people.  What do I need to let go of today?  What do I need to confront?  What pose do I ‘get’ today and which one is a struggle?  And in the year plus that I’ve been looking in the mirror at myself, my true self, I’ve come to value that woman looking back.  That woman who has dealt with some shit and lost confidence.  The woman who thought that the next step was moving back to Minnesota and in with the parents.

And somehow things worked out.  I don’t know how it happens, but if you put effort into this life, things do pan out.  I got a full time library job in Denver.  I may not have everything I dream of, but I’m working at it.  And the yoga has really connected me to realizing what makes me happy and what is healthy.

I’m also really missing my girls.  There are rumblings of potential get togethers later this year.  And I’m hoping a full reunion happens.  There is just some magic that happens when our lives intersect every so often.